Here's what i think about being a woman... so far its flawed and confused but current...

All my life, everyone in my family, with my maternal grandmother being an exception, has told me that I can do anything I want to do. It was heart warming, inspiring and encouraging and has brought me to where I am today, a 22 yrd old woman, in deep deep love and deep deep hatred of the world. The wonderful thing about my grandmother's pessimism wasthat she is real and that she is honest. At the end of the day, she hopes that I will conquer the mountain, score the job, win the race, whatever I set out to do. She doesnt root against me or make me feel lesser than I should but she has told me time and time again that in our world, women are not set up for prosperity. Which is not to say that we will never win a battle but that we will have to overcome men first...and the war will be an even harder fight.

I am no man hating woman. Falling in love is ethereal. Laughter, art, comfort, warmth, making love; its all wonderful. But the point is that women are 2nd class...

We are made powerless simply because in a weightlifting contest we are the underdogs.

Im very solidly rooted in this position, although Im still trying to figure out how my life falls into this.

Once an idealist, I am more and more being frustrated with my initial optimism for the XY people.

The transition from heartbreak to freedom, helplessness to strength, and finding true love out of independence has brought me to a place that is frivolous, light and airy. My heart still has heavy days but in general, I am the red balloon you let loose on a windy day at the carnival. I live frivolously, and carelessly only because if I followed the rules that we are so desperately trying to change, I would be tied to the child and let deflate in a room that will only consider me trash. At least in the ocean, a turtle will be tricked into thinking I am nourishment.

Being a woman is tough. I am constantly conquered but for now I follow the air, and try my best to be untamed and wreckless.

The end.

- G.B.