I keep on hoping that people accept, invite, and even encourage difference in this world... we are all different, and this variety makes this world so interesting... yet so many of us can't appreciate this difference, and this makes life for a lot of people unconfortable and difficult... so my wish for 2009 and beyond is that people start seeing how similar we actually are in spite of our varied colors...
- M.B.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Here's what i think about being a woman... so far its flawed and confused but current...
All my life, everyone in my family, with my maternal grandmother being an exception, has told me that I can do anything I want to do. It was heart warming, inspiring and encouraging and has brought me to where I am today, a 22 yrd old woman, in deep deep love and deep deep hatred of the world. The wonderful thing about my grandmother's pessimism wasthat she is real and that she is honest. At the end of the day, she hopes that I will conquer the mountain, score the job, win the race, whatever I set out to do. She doesnt root against me or make me feel lesser than I should but she has told me time and time again that in our world, women are not set up for prosperity. Which is not to say that we will never win a battle but that we will have to overcome men first...and the war will be an even harder fight.
I am no man hating woman. Falling in love is ethereal. Laughter, art, comfort, warmth, making love; its all wonderful. But the point is that women are 2nd class...
We are made powerless simply because in a weightlifting contest we are the underdogs.
Im very solidly rooted in this position, although Im still trying to figure out how my life falls into this.
Once an idealist, I am more and more being frustrated with my initial optimism for the XY people.
The transition from heartbreak to freedom, helplessness to strength, and finding true love out of independence has brought me to a place that is frivolous, light and airy. My heart still has heavy days but in general, I am the red balloon you let loose on a windy day at the carnival. I live frivolously, and carelessly only because if I followed the rules that we are so desperately trying to change, I would be tied to the child and let deflate in a room that will only consider me trash. At least in the ocean, a turtle will be tricked into thinking I am nourishment.
Being a woman is tough. I am constantly conquered but for now I follow the air, and try my best to be untamed and wreckless.
The end.
- G.B.
All my life, everyone in my family, with my maternal grandmother being an exception, has told me that I can do anything I want to do. It was heart warming, inspiring and encouraging and has brought me to where I am today, a 22 yrd old woman, in deep deep love and deep deep hatred of the world. The wonderful thing about my grandmother's pessimism wasthat she is real and that she is honest. At the end of the day, she hopes that I will conquer the mountain, score the job, win the race, whatever I set out to do. She doesnt root against me or make me feel lesser than I should but she has told me time and time again that in our world, women are not set up for prosperity. Which is not to say that we will never win a battle but that we will have to overcome men first...and the war will be an even harder fight.
I am no man hating woman. Falling in love is ethereal. Laughter, art, comfort, warmth, making love; its all wonderful. But the point is that women are 2nd class...
We are made powerless simply because in a weightlifting contest we are the underdogs.
Im very solidly rooted in this position, although Im still trying to figure out how my life falls into this.
Once an idealist, I am more and more being frustrated with my initial optimism for the XY people.
The transition from heartbreak to freedom, helplessness to strength, and finding true love out of independence has brought me to a place that is frivolous, light and airy. My heart still has heavy days but in general, I am the red balloon you let loose on a windy day at the carnival. I live frivolously, and carelessly only because if I followed the rules that we are so desperately trying to change, I would be tied to the child and let deflate in a room that will only consider me trash. At least in the ocean, a turtle will be tricked into thinking I am nourishment.
Being a woman is tough. I am constantly conquered but for now I follow the air, and try my best to be untamed and wreckless.
The end.
- G.B.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Ageism and Loving Thyself
Part of defining myself, is how I define the world.
I find that when I broaden my horizons, opening myself to understand others, that is when I understand myself a little more. This is particularly true when I consider age and ageism.
Rosanna Arquette made this great documentary called Searching for Debra Winger. Debra Winger is an actress that was in the prime of her popularity and then, out of nowhere, retired and has had very little to do with acting since. Arquette uses this as a platform to interview actresses of all ages, questioning why women disappear from the screen right when they hit 40 or get a wrinkle.
There are slowly more movies coming out that deal issues facing women older than 20. One is the new movie with Emma Thompson. It is about an 'older' (40) woman falling in love with an older (71) man.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2008-12-03/old-is-the-new-sexy/1/
One of the greatest things about this interview is Thompson's description of love and romance as things that get better with time. Her reasoning is because, when you are older, you are not ashamed or scared of not being able to have kids or be financially secure, so you are more willing to be yourself and risk asking for what you want.
That leads me to me. I don't want to be old to know what I want and be myself. This is easier said than done. Especially in relationships. Especially when I am starting to fall in love and I feel the need to do anything and everything to keep it. But actually, as countless books describe, the more I go for what I want and the more I feel I am being myself (which, here, I define as saying, doing, being, joking how I want and feel) the more attractive I become.
So often, by controlling things outside of me, like men or relationships, I forget about the one thing I can control: myself. More importantly, if I release the world and do what is on my heart, I actually am more free and able to love myself. I'd like to be able to do that at 24 as easily as 44 or 74.....
I find that when I broaden my horizons, opening myself to understand others, that is when I understand myself a little more. This is particularly true when I consider age and ageism.
Rosanna Arquette made this great documentary called Searching for Debra Winger. Debra Winger is an actress that was in the prime of her popularity and then, out of nowhere, retired and has had very little to do with acting since. Arquette uses this as a platform to interview actresses of all ages, questioning why women disappear from the screen right when they hit 40 or get a wrinkle.
There are slowly more movies coming out that deal issues facing women older than 20. One is the new movie with Emma Thompson. It is about an 'older' (40) woman falling in love with an older (71) man.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2008-12-03/old-is-the-new-sexy/1/
One of the greatest things about this interview is Thompson's description of love and romance as things that get better with time. Her reasoning is because, when you are older, you are not ashamed or scared of not being able to have kids or be financially secure, so you are more willing to be yourself and risk asking for what you want.
That leads me to me. I don't want to be old to know what I want and be myself. This is easier said than done. Especially in relationships. Especially when I am starting to fall in love and I feel the need to do anything and everything to keep it. But actually, as countless books describe, the more I go for what I want and the more I feel I am being myself (which, here, I define as saying, doing, being, joking how I want and feel) the more attractive I become.
So often, by controlling things outside of me, like men or relationships, I forget about the one thing I can control: myself. More importantly, if I release the world and do what is on my heart, I actually am more free and able to love myself. I'd like to be able to do that at 24 as easily as 44 or 74.....
Sunday, November 30, 2008
this is the art of Madeleine Casey's exhibition, Beyond the Gaze - the artist Serena commented on.
http://madeleinecasey.co.nz/artworkGAZE.html#
- That's fairly interesting by Madeleine Casey
- Enemy Lines by Madeleine Casey
http://madeleinecasey.co.nz/artworkGAZE.html#
- That's fairly interesting by Madeleine Casey 
- Enemy Lines by Madeleine Caseywhat to do when...
"When you want something new and exciting,
try cleaning out your closet,
instead of falling for a crazy guy."
- g.b. Emily H.
try cleaning out your closet,
instead of falling for a crazy guy."
- g.b. Emily H.
thoughts on being a woman
‘It so happens I am tired of being a man’—as Pablo Neruda wrote. Sometimes I feel this way as a woman. I feel tired. What is it that I am tired of, of the act, the performance of the gendered identity?
This is certainly something I have struggled with for sometime. Winning in the category of ‘woman’ seems almost a male concept, in that competition is often something that men are thought to desire more. But I think I am tired of always having to win at being a woman. But winning as a woman these days isn’t just about beauty and grace, its about brains and drive, it means wanting and having it all. The problem here, as with any definition, is that it is so narrow that in order to make ourselves into a ‘successful’ person, we often compromise those things that are most wholly and importantly ours.
An example from my own life could be my hair. I have dyed my hair since I was 18, I am normally a dark, blond/light brunette, but I dyed my hair because, and quite frankly, I got more attention as a blond. But I have also had the feeling that as long as I was sacrificing myself and my hair to a false construct of what it means to be ‘beautiful’, I would never find the person who loved me for those qualities that were most independently mine. That hasn’t been as true as I had imagined, and what I think I realize now is that it isn’t about how one changes their appearance, but rather, feeling like that appearance fits with what is inside, fits with who you feel you are, rather than what others might want you to be. It’s never been the hair color, but what that public definition of blond meant, that didn’t fit. What is most interesting about that though, is that in having to prove I was smart, despite the way that I looked, made me into a much more serious person than I often wanted to be. Yet I created that need, and similarly created the reaction.
Sometimes I wonder if I had had a stronger sense of those things that are most innately important, that all of the other things would have fallen away.
I think the answer is no.
Despite the fact that the journey often seems one backwards towards the freedom we felt as children, the critical analysis is what makes us realize that less obsession, which often turns into criticism, can only be attained through a deep and forgiving understanding of one’s self. Sharon Olds’ last stanza of the poem After 37 Years My Mother Apologizes for My Childhood, seems fitting:
I could not see what my
days would be with you sorry, with
you wishing you had not done it, the
sky falling around me, its shards
glistening in my eyes, your old soft
body fallen against me in horror I
took you in my arms, I said It's all alright,
don't cry, it's all alright, the air filled with
flying glass, I hardly knew what I
said or who I would be now that I had forgiven you.
-Sharon Olds, The Gold Cell.
I think it is hard to imagine who we would be if we forgave ourselves for all we have failed at, failed to do, failed to be, and just accepted that who we are is a journey, which can never be won but only just, and in a wonderful way, survived.
- g.b. Sarah H.
This is certainly something I have struggled with for sometime. Winning in the category of ‘woman’ seems almost a male concept, in that competition is often something that men are thought to desire more. But I think I am tired of always having to win at being a woman. But winning as a woman these days isn’t just about beauty and grace, its about brains and drive, it means wanting and having it all. The problem here, as with any definition, is that it is so narrow that in order to make ourselves into a ‘successful’ person, we often compromise those things that are most wholly and importantly ours.
An example from my own life could be my hair. I have dyed my hair since I was 18, I am normally a dark, blond/light brunette, but I dyed my hair because, and quite frankly, I got more attention as a blond. But I have also had the feeling that as long as I was sacrificing myself and my hair to a false construct of what it means to be ‘beautiful’, I would never find the person who loved me for those qualities that were most independently mine. That hasn’t been as true as I had imagined, and what I think I realize now is that it isn’t about how one changes their appearance, but rather, feeling like that appearance fits with what is inside, fits with who you feel you are, rather than what others might want you to be. It’s never been the hair color, but what that public definition of blond meant, that didn’t fit. What is most interesting about that though, is that in having to prove I was smart, despite the way that I looked, made me into a much more serious person than I often wanted to be. Yet I created that need, and similarly created the reaction.
Sometimes I wonder if I had had a stronger sense of those things that are most innately important, that all of the other things would have fallen away.
I think the answer is no.
Despite the fact that the journey often seems one backwards towards the freedom we felt as children, the critical analysis is what makes us realize that less obsession, which often turns into criticism, can only be attained through a deep and forgiving understanding of one’s self. Sharon Olds’ last stanza of the poem After 37 Years My Mother Apologizes for My Childhood, seems fitting:
I could not see what my
days would be with you sorry, with
you wishing you had not done it, the
sky falling around me, its shards
glistening in my eyes, your old soft
body fallen against me in horror I
took you in my arms, I said It's all alright,
don't cry, it's all alright, the air filled with
flying glass, I hardly knew what I
said or who I would be now that I had forgiven you.
-Sharon Olds, The Gold Cell.
I think it is hard to imagine who we would be if we forgave ourselves for all we have failed at, failed to do, failed to be, and just accepted that who we are is a journey, which can never be won but only just, and in a wonderful way, survived.
- g.b. Sarah H.
Friday, November 28, 2008
http://www.times.co.nz/cms/arts/events/2006/04/art100011010.php
Thanks my darling Lindsay for setting this up. You are so naturally therapeutic in the most challenging way.
I've enjoyed the articles and blogs posted so far. The Madonna song was a great shocker. I think I vented vicariously through it. The last article about women in the workplace was good...I appreciated the note about being too apologetic. Just today I caught myself on that with my partner. I think this is incredibly important with all the males (and females) we are in relationship with. Be declarative. Expect your partner to compromise. But also expect them to have limits and completely be themselves. My partner is a gift to me because he knows his limits so well. When I listen to and accept them, things are so much better. Being mindful of my own limits is my challenge. I think it is particularly hard for me to say what my limits are or even to allow myself to have them. This is where I need to grow as a women: in my ability to declare myself, my needs, who I am...
Humor and lightheartedness are key as we redefine ourselves! The posted article is a little blurb on art. I like the artist's ability to allow people to interpret her work however they want. In her critique about the media's messages, I think she must secretly appreciate the power of the subliminal in her own work.
- g.b. Serena
Thanks my darling Lindsay for setting this up. You are so naturally therapeutic in the most challenging way.
I've enjoyed the articles and blogs posted so far. The Madonna song was a great shocker. I think I vented vicariously through it. The last article about women in the workplace was good...I appreciated the note about being too apologetic. Just today I caught myself on that with my partner. I think this is incredibly important with all the males (and females) we are in relationship with. Be declarative. Expect your partner to compromise. But also expect them to have limits and completely be themselves. My partner is a gift to me because he knows his limits so well. When I listen to and accept them, things are so much better. Being mindful of my own limits is my challenge. I think it is particularly hard for me to say what my limits are or even to allow myself to have them. This is where I need to grow as a women: in my ability to declare myself, my needs, who I am...
Humor and lightheartedness are key as we redefine ourselves! The posted article is a little blurb on art. I like the artist's ability to allow people to interpret her work however they want. In her critique about the media's messages, I think she must secretly appreciate the power of the subliminal in her own work.
- g.b. Serena
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
This is exactly what I need. I have alot to say regarding my identity, how its struggled, evolved and changed-- and despite the many discoveries, I cannot claim that I know her as well as I would have liked.
Its a cycle. Its a myth. Its a journey.
And no better way to document it than to share it. ... I will leave a [strong] mark on your blog. Or as you would call it, every girls blog, our blog. The one place that knows no ridicule, no hardship and judgement.
xoxo Zayna
Its a cycle. Its a myth. Its a journey.
And no better way to document it than to share it. ... I will leave a [strong] mark on your blog. Or as you would call it, every girls blog, our blog. The one place that knows no ridicule, no hardship and judgement.
xoxo Zayna
By empowering myself, I empower the whole.
This is addressed to all women:
Going through the process of trying finding what it is to be me, I find that understanding how to stengthen myself is the beginning to learning how to becoming one complete and whole person....this blog may be the beginning of that.
Rather than exclude - include. No retreat - march on. Instead of deny - embrace. and the list goes on...
As I said in the encompassing title of this blog, this is not my personal blog, I want it to be a blog for us. You and me and our friends and the girl next door, the girls we love to love, the girls we love to hate and the girls who love to hate us.
I want this blog to become a communal space of inspiration and togetherness. The corniness of this goal seeps out of my pores. Or does it? Have I been made to feel that wanting solidarity with other women is not something valuable and worthwhile? Have I been told that to search for myself and empower myself is lesser than other aspirations in life? We'll see.
Whether artisy, fartsy, full of spelling errors, corny quotes and precious gems, I want you, my lovlies (as Tina the Great would say), to send me your thoughts, pictures, laughter, art and strength to post on this blog... myfemaleidentity.blogspot.com
I believe that when we see others reach out to strengthen their own identity, it encourages us to empower our own.
Send your posts to me - lindsay_hargett@hotmail.com - and I will post them as soon as I get them.
.....we'll see how this works..............
Going through the process of trying finding what it is to be me, I find that understanding how to stengthen myself is the beginning to learning how to becoming one complete and whole person....this blog may be the beginning of that.
Rather than exclude - include. No retreat - march on. Instead of deny - embrace. and the list goes on...
As I said in the encompassing title of this blog, this is not my personal blog, I want it to be a blog for us. You and me and our friends and the girl next door, the girls we love to love, the girls we love to hate and the girls who love to hate us.
I want this blog to become a communal space of inspiration and togetherness. The corniness of this goal seeps out of my pores. Or does it? Have I been made to feel that wanting solidarity with other women is not something valuable and worthwhile? Have I been told that to search for myself and empower myself is lesser than other aspirations in life? We'll see.
Whether artisy, fartsy, full of spelling errors, corny quotes and precious gems, I want you, my lovlies (as Tina the Great would say), to send me your thoughts, pictures, laughter, art and strength to post on this blog... myfemaleidentity.blogspot.com
I believe that when we see others reach out to strengthen their own identity, it encourages us to empower our own.
Send your posts to me - lindsay_hargett@hotmail.com - and I will post them as soon as I get them.
.....we'll see how this works..............
gb (given by) - Sofie S.Monday, November 24, 2008
there is still an underground rock scene.... it's in Saudi Arabia...
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/24/world/middleeast/24saudi.html?scp=1&sq=Saudi%20girl%20group&st=cse
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=428696521
keep rockin' girls
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/24/world/middleeast/24saudi.html?scp=1&sq=Saudi%20girl%20group&st=cse
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=428696521
keep rockin' girls
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